Stop Hiding
Stop hiding. In all senses. Stop hiding the special parts — the varied ranges, the different skills, the talents, quirks, and histories. Stop hiding how much you love and respect your own work and your life choices, even if they seem questionable. Stop hiding your art or your laziness or your little dreams you love investing in secretly. Stop hiding your feelings, doubts, fears, and uncertainties; they’re very likely not unique to you. Stop hiding your mistakes: the vulnerability and embarrassment that inevitably comes with the life you’ve lived or the new things you’re trying and are just plain bad at. Stop hiding the wholeness you feel when you play music. When your body moves and shakes and trembles as it dances wildly. Stop hiding the big-ness of yourself or the uncountable smallness that you sometimes feel trapped by. Stop hiding your voice, singing softly in large groups or waiting for permission to speak up. Stop hiding the soft parts to seem stronger or the strong parts to seem humble. Just stop. Let yourself be seen. Let yourself be heard. Just let yourself be.
Author David Whyte concludes his book Crossing the Unknown Sea saying we’re all destined to bring our individual souls arriving to the outside world. That’s a call to action I’d like to answer — stepping into a journey of bringing the inside out, of sharing our inner selves to the best of our abilities and laying them out on the line for everyone to see. To admire. To judge. But just to be out in the world.
I don’t want to come to the end of my life realizing it was the fear of what I imagined people might think that somehow held me back. Not from anything! And it’s not just holding me back and it’s not just holding you back; we all influence each other — many times without knowing it. Our seemingly small interactions have the power to change the course of someone’s life: who we are, how courageous we are, what we share (or don’t) — it all matters. I’ve been inspired to share more of myself after someone shared more with me. We each have the power to help others feel less alone; to help ourselves feel less alone. I owe it to those I interact with to be, at the very least, the most me I can be, embodying the full expanse of who and what I’ve been given and what my experiences have led me to become. It’s actually just silly to not! Like leaving a cold beer half drunk. A balloon half-filled. Stopping a song halfway. Leaving the field at half time. Half-assed.
In a world overflowing with overconfident people who share recycled, unoriginal ideas with an undying sense of bravado, why are we so afraid to venture out there? Why hide anything if there’s even a slight chance that you’re on to something? Sometimes you feel in your bones that you’re doing things right and you’re actually exactly where you need to be, even if it’s hard to explain. But when questioned about it, instead of sharing your conviction, you hesitate, becoming dodgy, doubtful, or seemingly insecure. You begin to belittle the thing you actually believe in, wondering whether you even have any novelty to add or contribute. What we sometimes forget is this: the novelty is you. Like our fingerprints, our inner worlds are completely unique, so what each of us shares is inherently ours, in a way. The same things are different because they have passed through us. Like the same story is different as the audience changes, or a song is new at every performance. Don’t doubt yourself because you feel alone or misunderstood; maybe you’re just a pioneer! Maybe you’re a few steps ahead in the game and others just haven’t yet caught up. Don’t turn around and walk backwards to meet them. No! Call out to them — share where you are and help them see how you got there. It’s actually selfish to not!
Stop hiding is a resounding call to step up, but also to let go. What a relief! I’m tired. I’m so tired of holding parts of myself back. Of hiding or running, protecting or curating. What a relief to just put it all down on the record. Let things be mocked. Scorned. Shunned. Rejected. At least they are out there! This idea of things arriving from our individual world to the outer world — letting them be seen in order to figure out what they even are — is powerful. What else is the point? Whyte says in his book that you can’t contain the parts of you that want to come out; they want to take love in their arms and hold it in their hands. Let them.
Stop hiding your wants and needs: If you want to go home, say so. If you want to hang out, say so. If you like them, just say so. If you want to reach for a new instrument or a high note knowing you’ll likely shriek and fail, just do it — throw it out there. Stop pussyfooting and being vague.
Stop hiding the so-called ugly parts of yourself, the physical “defects” which are just a part of your body. The feminine, the masculine, the in-between, the undefinable. The skin, hair, curves, legs, flab, folds. The baldness or crooked teeth or big nose or greasy hair. Sit in the sunlight noticing your body without judgment. You didn’t choose it. You don’t have to think it’s all beautiful — but it’s yours. You have those parts. They are a part of you. But so long as you feel you need to hide them, they have you; they have power over you. Let them be.
Revel in what you look like and feel like at this age — at this very moment in time. It will never be like this again. We are all aging day by day, so why waste even one more precious minute not sharing yourself in all its present glory? One day we’ll look back at our past selves wondering: Why didn’t I appreciate my body when it was younger and worked so well? When I could move without effort and without pain? When I could think fast, see clearly, and hear the most precious, soft sounds of the world? Why couldn’t I see how beautiful I was, how much talent I had, how well my brain worked, how much of myself I left unexplored and unused because I was so damn afraid?
Take your leap, whatever it is. Get up on that stage. Share your first song. Lose your balance. Keep making jokes through the boos. Take time to dress up. Take time to stay in. Read in the bathtub with a glass of wine. Ask them out. Go to a concert alone. Confess your secrets through a fast-beating heart. Say hello to the cute stranger in the park. Go back in the pub for one more whiskey. Go home at 8pm. Write that first chapter. Re-write that same chapter. Buy that plane ticket. Ask the obvious question. Share your unfinished doubts. Ask for help. Be the sexy one, if you want; don’t if you don’t. Take their hand, lean in for the kiss. Change your mind. Ask for the apology you deserve. Apologize and mean it. Don’t always be the first to stop hugging. Share the conviction of your beliefs, the fierceness of your tears, and the trembling of your voice. Stop hiding all the good bits because the other wobbly bits aren’t quite ready yet. They’ll get there.
What are we even protecting? Unreal images of ourselves that literally haven’t gotten us where we want to go? To be who we want to become? If something isn’t working, maybe the current plan needs revisions. Let’s stop hiding our sweet selves, shall we?
Look in the mirror with gentle eyes and a warm heart. See yourself. Let all your selves be seen. You belong here, in this world, JUST as you are. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise!
